Dinner's Served
by Raphael
Summary: Short little fic inspired by a bizarre conversation on IRC. Leo searches for missing weapons and siblings around the farm house.


# Dinner's Served

# 

* * *

Leonardo was on a mission, a search, actually. It was late afternoon, the sun was shining, the weather was comfortable and things were fairly quiet around the old farmhouse. This was a fairly typical day, or, at least, it had been since Leo, his brothers and their 'father', Splinter, had moved to the farm. No villains to chase down, and the fact that their nearest neighbour was miles away made it easier for all of them to relax and enjoy themselves.

Well, as relaxed as a mutant turtle can get. Leo was starting to get a tad exasperated as he searched. Sometimes, maintaining the 'calm cool collected' turtle identity was rough, especially when your brother was late for their sparring match. No matter how calm things got, Leo refused to allow his brothers (or himself) to become lazy and these little 'no holds barred' sparring matches were a great way to keep them all on their toes. Raphael, the one Leo searched for, had been especially keen to spar, so it worried Leo that Raph was late.

"Raph's never late when he thinks he's going to be able to kick someone's butt," Leo mused, "I wonder where he could be."

Leo walked through the farmhouse again, trying to figure out where he'd last seen what else he searched for -- his swords. He was very, very particular about where he left them and he was certain that he'd put them away where they belonged, after the last sparring match with Donatello. He paused as he walked past the basement door, as if he was expecting to hear something. Normally, Don would be bustling about in his basement lab, fixing that, repairing this, inventing those... but there were no sounds coming from the basement today.

At least that wasn't a problem, he knew things would be quiet for the next few days. Don & Splinter had gone off on a spiritual retreat and weren't expected back until the weekend. No one had anticipated trouble, so dividing the team didn't seem like it would present a problem. Now, he wasn't so sure. Where could Raph be?

Leo thought back to the morning when Don & Splinter announced their plans. Leo had been a tad concerned, not so much for the division of the team as for Splinter leaving the safety of the farm. Sensei wasn't getting any younger and Leo worried about him, especially when they were apart. Leo paused in the kitchen and snickered, still hearing Mike's 'protests' at Don & Splinter going.

_"What? How long are you going to be gone for?" Mike asked. "You can't split up the team!"_

_Raph bapped Mike up the back of his head. "They're not leaving on a world cruise, goofball, they're going away for a few days!"_

_Leo looked at Splinter, concerned. Splinter met his gaze and nodded. Leo returned the nod, knowing that things would be okay. At least, until he realized what Don & Splinter were leaving him with._

_"On our own, we're fine, but united, we're dynamite!" Mike sang, horribly off key._

_Raph turned to glare at him. "I told you to stay away from my record collection!" he yelled._

_"What's the matter, Raphie," Mike taunted, "Don't want everyone knowing that you've got the Partridge Family next to Guns N' Roses in your record collection?"_

_"They are NOT next to Guns N' Roses! My list is in better order than that. At least, it had BETTER be!"_

_Mike tore off towards Raph's room, knowing his life could be forfeit if Raph discovered how 'out of order' the CDs were. Raph practically flew off after him, out for blood. Leo turned to Don & Splinter._

_"Can I come, too?"_

Leo laughed. Thankfully, there hadn't been a lot of blood shed over the music collection. Things weren't as bad as Raph anticipated they'd be, Mike hadn't actually gone near Raph's collection of vinyl records, just the newer CD's. Had Raph found even one fingerprint or scratch, Leo was sure that Mike's comics would have found their way to the river. Sometimes his brothers could get so wrapped up in material things.

Leo glared around the room, wondering where the heck his swords were. And his brothers. Brothers? Leo paused for a moment, realizing he hadn't seen Mikey all afternoon, either. Now he was worried, where could they be? He was just about to go outside again when he heard a noise upstairs.

Moving quietly towards the stairs, and wishing once again that he had his swords, Leo mentally prepared himself to face whoever or whatever was up there. Hearing the sounds of things being shoved around, Leo decided it wasn't someone trying to be sneaky, that was for certain. He moved up the stairs in silence, knowing exactly where not to place his feet on each step to minimize noise. As he climbed, he could hear only two sounds--his own heartbeat and the sounds of the intruder, both of which were growing noisier by the moment. Leo tried to keep his mind cleared, focused, but the thought that whoever was up there could already have harmed his brothers gnawed at his mind.

"If anything's happened to them," he thought, "I will not rest until I find the one that did it."

Twelve steps, that's all there were. So, why did it seem like he was climbing up to the top of the Empire State Building?

Leo paused at the top of the stairs, trying to ascertain where the intruder was. A rubber whipped cream canister suddenly flew out of Raph's room, bouncing off the wall. It had been a gift from his girlfriend, Ninjara, a not-so-subtle joke between the two. Leo silently moved closer, planning to catch the intruder by surprise. He stood outside of the room for a moment, trying to decide on the best plan of attack, when the intruder suddenly burst out of the room, coming face to face with Leo.

"Aaaaaaahhh!" Leo & Raph both screamed, startled by the others' presence. Leo leaned against the wall, trying will his heart to slow down. Raph glared at him, obviously trying to do the same.

"Geez, Leo, give a guy a heart attack, why don't you? What are you doing, sneaking around like that??"

"I was looking for YOU, Raph, where have you been?"

Raph pointed inside his room, which looked a hurricane had blown through it (still making it marginally neater than Mikey's on a clean day).

"I love what you've done with the place, Raph."

"Ha ha. I was looking for my sais, so we could spar. I've torn my room apart, trying to find them."

"That's odd. My katanas are missing, too." Leo picked up the whipped cream can and handed it to Raph, who took it, smirking. He then tossed it into the room.

"Ok, where's Mike?" Raph demanded, "I'll bet he's got our weapons."

"You're paranoid, Raph, why would Mikey take our weapons?"

"I'm paranoid?? Need I remind you that he used my sais before, to plant a garden!!??"

Leo laughed, "I forgot about that. Well, he was being historically accurate, sais were used...."

"MY sais are not garden tools, Leo."

"Yeah, I know, Raph and, for some reason, I don't think using your sais to, how was it you put it? Oh, teach Mike how to 'sit and spin' is a proper use for them, either."

"Ah, I wouldn't have done it. That still doesn't explain where our weapons are, Leo."

"Let's go find Mike, see if he's either seen anything, or if his 'chucks are missing."

Raph nodded and closed the door to his room before following Leo back downstairs. After checking the rest of the house, they decided to go outside to look. Leo stopped and sniffed the air as soon as they got outside.

"Do you smell something cooking?"

Raph sniffed and nodded. "Smells like a barbeque."

Both said "Mike" at the same time and headed around the back of the farmhouse. Sure enough, in his "Kiss the Chef" apron, singing "Frere Jacques" was Mike. Whenever Mike felt like cooking, he went all out, even pretending to be French. Unfortunately, "Frere Jacques" was the only thing he knew in French. He was facing the barbeque, back to his approaching brothers, singing like there was no one around.

"Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques, dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? Something's name is Tina, something's name is Tina. Ding Ding Dong. Ding Ding Dong."

Leo shook his head, thankful that no one that could actually speak French was listening.

"MIKE!" Raph called out. "What are you doing?"

Mike literally jumped and turned around quickly, trying to shield the barbeque from his brothers' view.

"Um...making supper for all of us?"

Raph tried to look around him. "So, what's for supper?"

"It's a surprise. Go back inside and I'll bring it in when it's done."

"Mike, have you seen our weapons?" Leo inquired. "Raph's sais and my swords are missing."

"Why, um, no...why would you think I might have seen them?"  
Raph looked at him suspiciously. "Well, we didn't necessarily 'think' that you'd seen them...until now, bro."

"Yeah, Mike. What are you trying to hide?"

Raph tried again to look past Mike, and when he did catch a glimpse, he let out a yell.

"YOU'RE USING MY SAIS AS SHISH KABOB RODS???"

Mike looked a little sheepish and nodded.

"Well, I really wanted to have some veggie kabobs with supper and I couldn't find any kabob rods, so...."

Leo stepped aside and let Raph tackle Mike. He decided to let them go for a while.

"Maybe I'll peel Raph away in a few minutes. A few bruises might teach Mike a lesson in borrowing things that didn't belong to him."

He would have joined the fight, if he'd known what Mike was using as a burger flipper.....

* * *

Heh, not great fiction, but a fun little story...hope you enjoyed it!

Raph


End file.
